into my head/the woods

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot. Not like I normally do though- I basically am a walking thinking factory, working many over-hours. And as if my day-thinking isn’t enough, I’m also an extreme detailed dreamer at night. But I do feel like I’m now way more present, way more conscious about the subjects I think about and that I can wave unwanted thoughts away more easily. Yay for mindfulness I guess (please tell my therapist, she’ll be more than pleased).

The thing I’ve thought about the most is very cliché but also very true. How is it, that we humans keep postponing everything we want most, simply because we are afraid of change, because it’s just ‘not the moment’ or because we want to save it for later? I mean. I think everyone reading this somehow knows a bit about life. We all know how soon it can end, how much that ending can surprise us, how much can change in just a year, a day, an hour- or even a split second. And still here we are, me included:

“Nah… I’ll just wait with that, because you know… later. Nahhh… I will definitely save my money for you know… later. Oh gosh. But what if it goes wrong and… you know, later?!” 

Unfortunately I’m one of those many people who have seen life end very quickly. A life often unfinished, a life full of moments saved up for later. While later never came.

I’m not sure if it’s a 25-year olds thing. Or maybe just learning to think different- heading to your thirties (big omg in my mind right now), learning more about life and death, learning more about yourself and starting to know what you want. And I didn’t really expect to be in this phase right now. Because I don’t know about you, but let’s be honest. When I was twelve or so, I was pretty convinced I would have it all together at 25. I mean come on… twenty five years, that is time enough to figure it all out right?! Well surprise surprise… I was wrong. Well kind of. I found my love. I live in an apartment. I do my own laundry. I have a job which I’ve unexpectedly come to love. I even have a car, a television with amby light, I sometimes bake pie, I wake myself up in the morning and I always brush my teeth twice a day. Hm. Kinda did good I guess.

Just throwing my thoughts outta here for a second. I told you about the whole kids thing, how starting a family is a huge thing to me. But there you go: the apartment is too small, my income too low, I’m still very attached to napping whenever I wish and I’m bad at cleaning. So, I’ll save it all for later. But can anyone please tell me if there will even be a later for me? Can you assure yourself you have a later when you keep stalling the one thing you really want? Should you really save your holidays and all your money for the day you stop working and can finally enjoy your life? And even though I witnessed the last situation from way too close by, I’m still speaking about later when it comes to my own wishesThat amazes me… how on earth can we humans be taught then, to understand that we cannot always afford to wait?

I went totally off topic with this one… But I’ll throw in some photos of our autumny November walk anyway because that was really nice. Plus, a walk in the woods always helps me to think more clearly.

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