this was 2019

Oh, 2019. What can I say? I expected great things, big changes, events that might turn our lives upside down. As always, it didn’t turn out the way I had imagined and I almost felt disappointed… had life still not gotten started for us?

But as I look back, I know we were in the very middle of it. And we still are, right now. All those little moments in between, the moments I may have missed because I was dreaming about the future, the past, everything but the present.

During those moments in between, we went for coffee on a Sunday afternoon. We stayed in bed a little longer. We listened to our favorite songs. We traveled to the snow in the Black Forest, to our little happy place in Denmark, to the summer mountains of Austria. We watched our niece Winter grow. We spent time fighting and making up. We sat next to each other in silence. We danced in our little apartment. We fought again and made up. And again. We celebrated two more birthdays together. We made terrible jokes. We went out for breakfast in the weekend. We tried to understand each other, at which we didn’t always succeed. We both tried our bests at work. We gazed at the moon. We planned a wedding. We wrote our vows. We became husband and wife and celebrated with everyone dear to us. We loved. We loved. We loved.

2019, I have cursed you many, many times. My heart has felt broken and sad. I had been so busy planning and thinking that I could no longer see the beauty of it all. And worst of all: I sometimes could not see him anymore, the love he had for me. But, now all those big days and stressful events and holidays are over, and the slow, quiet days of winter return, the numbness leaves. I can breathe again. I see him again. I feel the love again.

And now I see, that all of these moments together, tiny and big, both challenging and airy, they form life. A vulnerable but very, very happy life.

Waving 2019 goodbye, I try to welcome 2020 with open arms. High hopes, low expectations.

Everything in time.

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